diScover tHe reaL noimx ! :]

Being HIS girl is an impossible wish

2009-07-30T23:44:00.000-07:00

Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't?

Try hard to fight your feelings, but you

just couldn't?You fall deeper with each passing day,But try to hide it in every possible way.He's

only a friend, and nothing else--That's the lie you keeping telling yourself.You keep on saying

he's just a bud,But deep inside, you're falling in love.You get so giddy when you meet his eyes,

But keep reminding yourself it isn't right.A simple glance turns into a stare,But you pretned that

you don't care.It's "not right" for you two to be.Is that why you hide it so no one can see?

But how long will you pretend?

Keep lying that he's just a friend?

Perhaps your feelings you can never show.

Perhaps it's "wrong" for him to know.

Your friendship can't be risked over this,So being his girl is an impossible wish...

He gave up oN me ! :]

2009-07-28T21:19:00.000-07:00

July 21, 2009, when my boyfriend called me on the phone. (12pm in the midnight, and gOing to sleep na ko nun, because exam nmin tommorrow!)

Ahm..wait !

Asking why, kung bakit ngayon ko lang nai.post ang message nato???

Because of the reason na, hinintay ko pa na mag move on ako.

pero GOSH, taLagang mahirap kalimotan ang taong naging part ng buhay mo for almost 3 yrs. aii, mali ako..4 yrs. na pala..Because that night he broke up on me is also our 4th anniversary!

Imagine ganon kami ka tagal at talagang shit ang sakit, super!

Halos mabaliw ako sa kaiiyak nun, hindi kona magawang makatulog.

But, Inisip ko na may exams ako pgka bukas, so I tried to take a nap..

And I pray na makakagising pa ako kina.umagahan.

At talagang alam ng mga dormates ko kung ano ang nangyari sa akin that night!

I almost even killed myself by dringking alot of sleeping pills na binili ko noong ngka.INsomia ako!

Buti nalang waah epek! hahai !

Then I wake up very early, and I went to school..

after the exam punta ako ng food.court and there nilabas ko lahat ng heartaches ko!

And Im so thankful that my friends was there frauline the one who comforts me!

(thanks girl!)

And my best friend is always there, keep on reminding me that

"bhez, kahit anong mangyari nandito lang ako!"

Pero hindi niya alam na noong time na parang nagkakalaboan na kmi ng Boyfriend ko, he always visits me at my place..inoman all the time, chika'2x always.

My bestfriend is always on the ground, ready to catch me when I fall.

I feel so lucky that I have him as my "BESTFRIEND" :)

hahai xhit ka rain bakit mo nagawa yun!

Ano ang nasa diyos na wala ako!

Bakit xah lahat ng ambition bakit pagpapari pa???

Sana dumating yung panahon na marealize mo na mali ang pinili mong buhay!

Because your life will be useless without me!

sHouLd i neeD to tell Him ??

2009-07-28T05:54:00.000-07:00

Yah im inlove with my proof, but he just waste it gosh! para akong tanga!

nandyan naman yung bestfriend ko na laging nandyan..Laging naalalay when i feel so alone at parang depress na!

hahai...

And now read this:

I'm in love with my best friend but he doesn't know it. Honestly I don't even think he feels the same. I don't even know how to tell him. He's into his girl friend anyways so I don't want to ruin that. It's hard though, because when we hang out it's great! When we fight, he's the one that usually apologizes to me even when it's my fault. Should I tell him how I feel? Or should I just leave him and his girlfriend. We're perfect for each other, but I'm afraid of telling him the truth because I don't want to ruin our friendship. He's eyes, gosh they're so pretty. So clear like the sky on a clear day. I like how I don't have to get all dressed up to hang out with him because no matter how I look he tells me I look beautiful. When I have guy issues he tells me that everything is going to be okay. That in the end everything will work out the way it's supposed to be. I just don't know what to do.

..me itOh !

2009-07-28T03:24:00.000-07:00

hello blog, i'm here again ang girl na walang magawa xah life niya..waha!

anyways, talagang bored-na-bored na ako!

walang-wala na akong magawa..haahaii !

I miss my friends na (CSG org.),

I miss my classmates (CS-1B),

I miss my school (C.U),

I miss my dormates(erZa, niHayz, reLz, cherLy),

I miss my bhez (Bestfriend-marCial).

hOw i wish to see them na..

I really don't like staying in my house talaga, unlike when I'm in the city because i can do anything what I want..

xhit !

While here sa house talagang bantay sirado ako dito !

I lived here like a prisoner, I dont have my freedom to go out!

Compare sa boarding house nmin na OFF na ang curfew, waha!

Its the stupid virus' fault!

Bwisit talaga, because our class was cancelled because of that fucking virus and it will resume on Aug.3 pah..my gOsh !

How I wish that when I wake up tomorrow nasa boarding house na ako, at Aug.3 na agad!

:]]

waha..!!!

my bEstfriend ! :]

2009-07-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

Marcial Togores Jr. "mArsh" for short, he was my newly guy bestfriend and we call each other as "bhez" our friendship starts (maY 11, 2009), we used to hang-out, go anywhere, we text everytime and he always visits me at my place.

I have experience a lot of bestfriend but "marsh" is so unlike from them, he is so sweet, caring, and actually he always reminds me that he loves me :]

But it cant be, dahil may girlfriend siya and i've provd that already, because there is a time na nag.tetext kmi...

xhiit! bigla siyang na wrong-send sakin!

so, since that palagi ko nalang tinatakip butas na crush ko yung PROOF ko!

But the truth is im deeply inlove with my bestfriend nah! :(

It is so sad na hindi niya pala alam !

Because all he know is I love him, just because his my friend! :(

There was a time that "marsh" confess to me; "Bhez, mahaL na kita!", and i was so shocked from what he said..But i ignored it! I said "mahal din kita, pero bilang kaibigan lang!". And i saw it in his eyes that got so disappointed from what i've said!

Tapos nag open ako ng topic about sa crush ko, "Bhez, crush ko yung paraProof nmin!", then he ignored it. I think he was jealous. Tapos sabi nya bigla "pakialam ko jan, bakit gwapo ba yan?"

Sabi ko naman, "yah I know, he is not a boyfriend material type, pero gusto ko siya..Sobra!!"

(the truth is Alibi ko lang yun.)

And after I said it, he leave me and slamp the door..Talagang (kabog!)

Pero alam ko na nasaktan ko siya, wala akong magagawa, totoo lahat nang sinabi ko sa kanya!

And now, 3 days na kming walang communication!

I miss "marsh", i miss my only "BHEZ, i miss my BESTFRIEND!

i miss HIM ! :|

2009-07-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

I miss him. Sometimes the true tragedy in life is getting what you want. Or at least we trick ourselves into thinking it is what we want. That's the true tragedy in life. Not death, not losing, not NOT getting our way. It's when we get what we want and then realize how wrong we were.

That's where I'm at now.

My life just feels blah. Kind of brown. Not a nice rich sienna brown, or a deep, full chocolate brown. It's more like an accidental brown. The kind of brown you get on accident when you've mixed too many sorts together on your canvas without waiting for stuff to dry. Accidental brown. I should call Crayola ...
Sometimes I think I'm doing great until I stumble across something that I'd love to tell him about. Something to engage in conversation in because I know he would have the most entertaining things to say. I try to talk about these things with other people but it isn't the same. It's the void that comes when you realize how much you miss your best friend.
I am accidental brown when things slow down for a second and I start to wish I felt the way that only being with my best of the best friends can make me feel. I have yet to find anywhere else in the world that can make me feel that particular way — and God I've been trying — but the only place is with him.

I know it can't work right now. I know that we need to just let sleeping dogs lie. I know this. I know this is what I wanted and I know that I have nobody to blame except myself and my angsty 16-year-old-ness. It doesn't mean I don't miss him like hell. I miss the long phone conversations, the long Sunday afternoons cuddled in bed while we were drinking my favorite liquior. I miss walking across road holding his hand. I miss sneaking a kiss in the newsroom and I miss laying my head on his shoulder in my bed.

And i miss, everytime he said, "I Love You, more as my friend!", and it is so love to hear that.

my nEw life at C.U ! :]

2009-07-26T20:38:00.001-07:00

when i graduated in highschool i feel i will be loosing my true friends and i cant accept the thruth that we will be separating our ways.
and now here i am facing my new life as college student, its my another stage of life.
And i have to make serious descisions, and be more responsible to myself.
because when i'm still at my highschool days i really act so imature, childish and a very kid at heart. I am so glad that i meet my new friends, new attitudes, new faces, and new people who are trying to develope their life as a total person..But being a total person is not easy!
Yeah, i have my new friendz and they are also my Classmates.
but not just that, i also have my so loving and boardmates who is always there to take care of me because i do not have my mom to accommodate me, because they used to be older than me, they are my new ates! hehehe...erza, nihayz, relan and cherly, but cherly is younger than me!
they were all taking medical courses ! wOw !
hahai, talagang napaka different ng highschool compare to college.
yah its true that highschool life is more enjoy and memorable than to college!
in highschool you can experience everythings, even those freaky ang creepy things..and yes i confess i experience how to drink (liquiors), scape from our classes, having (kodigos) during exams and the most worst, i try to enter to class (DRUNK!) But we are lucky at that time because the teacher did not notice us ! waahaa !
While college is, you have to make all the best that you can do!
now i already experience studiying late at night--12 in the midnight and continue read all my lessons the day i woke up very early in the morning, i have to make my assignments perfectly, budget my weekly allowance (700) but that amount is very enough for my daily needs..(thanks for my mom & dad for that :])hehe..
frauline, emma and belle are my new buddies now, talagang nawawala ang stress ko pag.nagbobonding na kami. they were so nice and true!
my entire day will not be complete without their jokes, laughs and their freaky stuffs!
I know that they were always be there for me !
my Organization daku ! waha..and my CS-1B Classmates !
Sana sila parin till the next sem !
all i can say is "i love my colleg Life, sUupeeR !